i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
