So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we made out on top of his cat.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
