why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
