I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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