Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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