You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
