i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
