Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my fart just growled at me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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