The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
