Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
