and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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