I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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