i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
