do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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