this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
