I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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