You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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