I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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