I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
