He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
