he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
