i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
