Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
