Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
