Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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