The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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