it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
