I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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