um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
