just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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