I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
