i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So squirting runs in the family.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
