I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
