So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
