So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
