Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
