Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
