God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
