if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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