There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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