Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
