There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
