I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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