Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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