why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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