Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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