He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize