i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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