Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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