I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
