i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
